by Host Family Volunteer, Amy, from Walworth County
For the last couple of months I’ve been talking with God about my four children. I know I hold too tightly to them, not trusting God like I know in my head I am commanded to. My heart aches sometimes at the thought of giving them to God. So, I’ve been talking to God about this not yet ready to pray for Him to help me with it; honestly, still in a place of fear that if I were to ask that, He might ask something “too hard” of me. I recently started the prayer of changing my heart to be ready for that prayer-help me be ready to ask for help trusting (are you following me so far?).
An opportunity comes up for our family to host 2 little girls for one week. Without giving it much thought, I agree (after talking to my husband about it of course). We have a playdate before hosting starts to familiarize the girls with our home and family. At this point I start to question my sanity as I start to get a glimpse of what I just signed us up for, 6 children! (8, 6, 4, 2, and two 1 yr olds!). I sent a quick prayer and email to our ministry lead.
Monday rolls around and the girls get dropped off in the afternoon. I try to drag out some small talk so I’m not left alone with all of these children for as long as possible. My two oldest boys have a baseball game so my husband takes them down to the field with the plan to come back home to meet the girls’ mom when she arrives. At this point I’m frustrated that not only am I missing my sons’ game but now neither parent is there for the boys because we are present for another family. My husband was able to get to the second half of the game but not before we missed one of our sons score 2 runs and our other son made a double play at first base. My heart simultaneously soars with pride as the boys excitedly tell me all of their impressive performances and sinks that I missed them. Then I hear a small voice remind me that while I may have missed one small moment, the girls’ mom may be missing milestones like first steps, words, etc. I needed to trust God with my kids at that moment. This feeling of frustration persisted though. Was I sacrificing too much for little to no impact?
Tonight during our bible time, one of my sons wanted to listen to a worship song and by no accident my husband ended up on Reckless Love and the version of the song included an explanation behind the lyrics. God would leave the 99 to chase down one lost sheep. He was asking me not to leave my children unattended, He was still with them (and my kids had an aunt at their baseball game) while He also worked through our family to love this family.
As if this wasn’t enough, my stress level continued to rise at the thought of spending the rest of this week alone (until my husband gets home from work) with 6 kids and demonstrating self control! God showed up again with a community of people to support this chase! The week had barely begun and there were already 8 people who provided support by bringing dinner, breakfast, gas money for mom, extra hands, encouragement and prayers. God is teaching me to trust Him with my children.
I was also struck with the idea that God left His only son for me and for this family that He is asking me to love. How exciting that I get to be part of the pursuit and I get to share that with my kids! That play is even better than a couple runs and a double play at first.